![]() There was a long, pregnant silence of almost a minute. Near the end of the third session, Walt asked Jeremy directly about his alcohol abuse. ![]() The first couple sessions went well with Walt asking questions related to Jeremy’s family, work, childhood background, interests, and hobbies but not directly addressing the elephant in the room. And that brought Jeremy to see Walt for counseling. When Jeremy refused, saying that he could stop drinking by himself, the company fired him. He received two warnings, and his company even offered to pay for him to attend a detox program and get counseling. Recently Jeremy, a young man in his twenties, came to see him about “a situation.” Jeremy had been intoxicated while at work. Immediately upon the birth of his first child, Walt sought individual counseling to address his personal demons and a personal mentor who was both a godly father and husband. I didn’t have a clue as to how to do it God’s way.” “When I was a kid, I swore I’d never touch a drop of alcohol … and never have, but I also knew enough that I didn’t have a good model for being a godly father or husband. “I swore that I wasn’t going to become like my father,” Walt said. Walt was very aware of family dysfunction and his own failings and frailties as a person. ![]() Many times, he and his four siblings would go to bed with what sounded like a “pro wrestling match” in the other room. He grew up with an alcoholic father who used to physically and verbally abuse his mother. Walt* had been a pastor for more than three decades. Now I’d like to share with you the story of a pastor who did disclosure right, followed by five principles that will assist you in being more wise and discerning in your own disclosure. I’ve shared Larry’s story of disclosure gone wrong. As Larry’s experience shows, items of a sensitive nature require careful expression with staff, counselees, and most importantly, with their congregations or the public. A large portion of my consulting is with individual pastors and entire pastoral staffs related to this issue of setting, maintaining, and communicating appropriate professional boundaries when sharing personal information. ![]() I have been doing counseling, training, speaking, writing, and consulting now for more than 20 years. Rita not only stopped counseling with Larry, she also stopped attending his or any Christian church. And her family was enraged that Rita had told anyone their family's secret. When Rita found out what he’d said, she was livid. What he thought was just a bit of personal self-disclosure turned out to have been an inexcusable case of oversharing and a breach of confidentiality. He could tell from Stacy’s horrified expression that he’d said too much. Hearing her talk about your family’s story has really helped me process my own issues,” Larry said. “I’m so glad! Talking to her has actually helped me too,” Larry responded. She had been to counseling with him once a week at his office for about a month when he ran into Rita’s sister at the local coffee shop.Īs he was entering and her sister Stacy was exiting, she stopped him to thank him for meeting with Rita. Rita, a long time attender of Larry’s church, had requested counseling from him to address her sexual abuse at the hands of her maternal grandfather. “The moment the words left my mouth, I was sorry I said anything at all,” Larry* said.
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